Leveling Up

When does life feel like the same old thing and when do you know it’s changing? An obvious answer might be a new job, whether at a different company or current company with a new position. Other examples might be getting married or having your first child.

It’s natural, at least to me, to reflect on where I’m at and where I want to be. I do it regularly and especially as it gets closer to my birthday. My age is a mark on the wall. I can see the actual changes, just like if you ever marked changes in height growing up. This particular year is a decade birthday. Even though every birthday is important, it’s kind of a big deal to me because I haven’t had decade birthday celebrations as an adult. For 30 and 40, I was married and my ex-husband only put importance on his own celebrations. That’s partially why I’ve made a point of doing something every year, usually with friends. The last few years have been quieter. This is a tangent, though, so back to the point.

As I reflect most recently, I wonder if it’s become the same old thing or not. At the end of my last decade, I  made some intentional changes. Because of that, I worked at improving general presentation skills as far as how I present myself. This is definitely ongoing. Making it intentional has meant choosing my wardrobe differently, being involved in a variety of organizations that cater to leadership, communications and public speaking skills. It’s meant returning to or staying in school. It’s meant learning how to take care of myself and live on my own, with or without help from friends. As a result, I have increased my self-awareness.

Every time I meet a new group of people I have to “prove” myself. Previous experience doesn’t matter until I’ve shown through actions that I have the skills. The environment has truly mattered because some people recognize what I do and others still call me “girl” or “the baby” when I am neither. If I’m spending all of this time “proving” does that mean I’m in the same old pattern?

It’s the intentional parts of my life that seem to help me the most. For example, I’ve been intentionally getting rid of things, and it is a little bit more obvious in my studio apartment and definitely different than 10 years ago.

Another example is continuously learning new things. Lately, it’s been sewing related, drawing, and a little bit of electronics.

Throughout the last 10 years, learning has been through organizations or school. These are constants. Has it been a game changer? Are things different because of what I’ve been learning? I would say “yes” and that it’s subtle. The big game changer has been studying psychology. I want to study it more, and write more.

What I have also noticed is that I am totally engrossed in my current life. I may refer to past  examples and the examples might refer to when I was married or living elsewhere. I don’t miss any of those past eras (other than some of the people).

Maybe the most important question is if what I’m doing now will get me further on the path towards where I want to be. This is still a big question mark. Why? Because where I want to be is vague. You know the goals you always get asked about? Then you make a plan for that with shorter and longer term items? I see those as being vague in every aspect of my life. So, as far as leveling up, I have some work to do before my birthday. How about you?

Thanks for reading!



Posted on August 12, 2018, in Personal Observations. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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